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Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
"High Fidelity", Top 5 & Donald Miller
After having the movie "High Fidelity" on my Netflix Que for the past year or so, (ignorantly, I kept moving it down the list) I FINALLY saw it a few days ago & let me tell you, it's awesome!
It's not the dark comedy, the great music or the sweet & romantic storyline. It's all of the lists. John Cusack, one of my favorite actors of all time, goes through the entire movie, making these Top 5 lists: worst break-ups ever, songs for an untimely death, favorite bands, etc. I love the lists!
Now. . .
I also just finished a book called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller, equally great. This book is insightful & spoke to me. It was like God was saying, "Kelsey! Get off your butt & DO something!" I cried. I laughed. I actually learned something that I can apply to my life!
So. . .
I've made a list (thank you, "High Fidelity") of Goals (you too, Donald Miller). Some of these came from a list I made 2 months ago, but I decided to include them anyway!
Top 5 List of Things I Want to Accomplish in My 25th Year!
5. Hike Half Dome in Yosemite.
I've been wanting to do this for about a year now, but I've never had the guts. I never thought I could do it. But, now I know I can do it & I will, goodness gracious!
4. Get a bike & learn how to ride it in the wilderness.
No, I don't own a bike, but I do know how to ride one, just not in the wilderness. Mountain biking looks like so much fun & a bunch of my friends go out once in a while. So, it's on the list!
3. Record my album.
I've been writing songs for about a decade now & haven't been able to really do anything with them. So, this is the year that I FINALLY record it & make something GOOD out of it! Who knows? Maybe I'll be picked up by a record company & get a deal! :D
2. Start My Masters.
I'm going to do it! After talking about it forever, I've decided that this is the year that I'm actually going to start my Masters. Fuller has a pretty good extension campus up here in Sacramento & it would be fairly easy for me to make some random trips down to So-Cal for distance learning eventually. So, here we go!
1. Give up dating.
The last list I wrote, I wanted to learn HOW to date, but now I want to give it up.
Here's the thing. . .
Lately, I've been realizing a lot of things about myself & what I want, what I've always wanted. And what I want is to be single. I've never gone more than about 3 months without being interested in someone, dating someone or getting over someone and I want to be single! I want to enjoy living without someone always there, checking up on me, waking me up in the morning with cheesy songs or taking up my Friday nights.
I want to be single. For a year. 24 is the year I figure who I am & what I want.
So, This is it. This is my chance to write an EPIC story with my life! We'll see how it goes! :)
It's not the dark comedy, the great music or the sweet & romantic storyline. It's all of the lists. John Cusack, one of my favorite actors of all time, goes through the entire movie, making these Top 5 lists: worst break-ups ever, songs for an untimely death, favorite bands, etc. I love the lists!
Now. . .
I also just finished a book called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller, equally great. This book is insightful & spoke to me. It was like God was saying, "Kelsey! Get off your butt & DO something!" I cried. I laughed. I actually learned something that I can apply to my life!
So. . .
I've made a list (thank you, "High Fidelity") of Goals (you too, Donald Miller). Some of these came from a list I made 2 months ago, but I decided to include them anyway!
Top 5 List of Things I Want to Accomplish in My 25th Year!
5. Hike Half Dome in Yosemite.
I've been wanting to do this for about a year now, but I've never had the guts. I never thought I could do it. But, now I know I can do it & I will, goodness gracious!
4. Get a bike & learn how to ride it in the wilderness.
No, I don't own a bike, but I do know how to ride one, just not in the wilderness. Mountain biking looks like so much fun & a bunch of my friends go out once in a while. So, it's on the list!
3. Record my album.
I've been writing songs for about a decade now & haven't been able to really do anything with them. So, this is the year that I FINALLY record it & make something GOOD out of it! Who knows? Maybe I'll be picked up by a record company & get a deal! :D
2. Start My Masters.
I'm going to do it! After talking about it forever, I've decided that this is the year that I'm actually going to start my Masters. Fuller has a pretty good extension campus up here in Sacramento & it would be fairly easy for me to make some random trips down to So-Cal for distance learning eventually. So, here we go!
1. Give up dating.
The last list I wrote, I wanted to learn HOW to date, but now I want to give it up.
Here's the thing. . .
Lately, I've been realizing a lot of things about myself & what I want, what I've always wanted. And what I want is to be single. I've never gone more than about 3 months without being interested in someone, dating someone or getting over someone and I want to be single! I want to enjoy living without someone always there, checking up on me, waking me up in the morning with cheesy songs or taking up my Friday nights.
I want to be single. For a year. 24 is the year I figure who I am & what I want.
So, This is it. This is my chance to write an EPIC story with my life! We'll see how it goes! :)
Friday, October 9, 2009
"A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller
1:01 AM
I just finished reading Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
I cried.
It's been a while since I've actually cried while reading a book and it normally consists of a few years streaming down my cheek, only needing one or two tissues to clean up the mess. The last time I cried while reading was mt senior year of College. Every year, I read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I've been doing this for the past few years now, so it's becoming an after-Finals or the start of a New Year tradition. Crying while reading about the love between Sarah & Michael is nowhere neat the kind of crying I did while finishing Miller's new book.
I wept.
I'm talking abnormally giant-sized tears, dramatic heaving between sons, hyperventilating while clearing out an entire box of Kleenex, kind of crying. It got to the point where I had to physically put the book down & remove myself from the room, away from the pressing pages of terribly sad stories, painful reflection & a strange new self-awareness that I was being changed with each turn of the page.
The entire book is brilliant, comparing the art of Story to living the art of Life, but the crying didn't start until I read the story about Jim & Janice. Janice had cancer and Jim, her loving husband, had found solace in unraveling his thoughts & feelings to Done about the painful ordeal. His story was touching. Moving. Jim had stayed by Janice's side for the duration of her last days, sending out e-mail updates (54 Total) to family & friends until she peacefully laid her head down into eternal rest.
This hit home.
A very close friend of mine, someone who has teken me in as one of her own children, has been battling a type of Lymphoma for 19 years now. Recently, she moved temporarily to Berkeley to undergo three months of intensive treatment, in hopes that it would cure her 100%. Her husband & children were still living in their house in Sacramento, pressing on with their daily lives as usual. To them, this was routine. 19 years is a long time to battle cancer, so the entire family had a lot of time to make peace with God, grieve and prepare for anything that could happen. Still, they cherish everyday with her, like it's her last. For 19 years, every day could have been her last.
I didn't have 19 years.
I couldn't see her. The drive to Berkeley is only about three hours, but I couldn't bear enough strength to see her. In pain, weak, facing death. She had adopted me as her own, becoming my "Surrogate Sacramento mom" & I wasn't ready to have her leave us. I was afraid that if I attached myself any more, I'd die from pain if she were to unexpectedly take a turn for the worse. So, I stayed in town. I didn't e-mail. I didn't write letters or call. I was distant.
God has worked miracles & the treatment was extremely successful. She's been back for about a month now, but I haven't had the gut to call her & go out for one of our regular coffee dates where I update her on life & she gives me advice, tells me that she can see God working in me, and that she loves me. I sat by her at church last week & I was afraid to even look at her, worried that the slightest touch would erase the past four months & she would be contaminated again, only worse.
Cancer is a bitch.
Grief is sometimes worse. Starting that grieving process was difficult, but sometimes gaining a life that should have been lost is even harder to deal with. Where do I go from here? I feel guilty when I see her because I failed to make contact when she probably needed it the most. Along in a strange city in a strange apartment with strange drugs pulsating through her veins. I feel like a terrible adopted-daughter.
Miller's book invokes passion & emotion, unbeknownst to my already overly emotional heart. Reading about conversations with God under over-sized trees outside the city walls of Heaven causes on to take a hard look at their life and the story they're living. What will God say when I sit down with Him to tell about my story? Will He be proud of me? Will he pat me on the back and say, "Well done, my good & faithful servant!"? Will I tell Him about my cancer ridden friend or the youth I've been working with? What will He want to hear?
I hope with all my heart that I'll be able to have one-on-one time with God, to be able to hash out the good ole' days when I loved to write & He loved to hear me sing. I hope He's not too busy in Heaven.
Conversations with God under vibrant trees, outside the gates of Heaven. Just the two of us.
My heart breaks & tears come in floods.
I just finished reading Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
I cried.
It's been a while since I've actually cried while reading a book and it normally consists of a few years streaming down my cheek, only needing one or two tissues to clean up the mess. The last time I cried while reading was mt senior year of College. Every year, I read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I've been doing this for the past few years now, so it's becoming an after-Finals or the start of a New Year tradition. Crying while reading about the love between Sarah & Michael is nowhere neat the kind of crying I did while finishing Miller's new book.
I wept.
I'm talking abnormally giant-sized tears, dramatic heaving between sons, hyperventilating while clearing out an entire box of Kleenex, kind of crying. It got to the point where I had to physically put the book down & remove myself from the room, away from the pressing pages of terribly sad stories, painful reflection & a strange new self-awareness that I was being changed with each turn of the page.
The entire book is brilliant, comparing the art of Story to living the art of Life, but the crying didn't start until I read the story about Jim & Janice. Janice had cancer and Jim, her loving husband, had found solace in unraveling his thoughts & feelings to Done about the painful ordeal. His story was touching. Moving. Jim had stayed by Janice's side for the duration of her last days, sending out e-mail updates (54 Total) to family & friends until she peacefully laid her head down into eternal rest.
This hit home.
A very close friend of mine, someone who has teken me in as one of her own children, has been battling a type of Lymphoma for 19 years now. Recently, she moved temporarily to Berkeley to undergo three months of intensive treatment, in hopes that it would cure her 100%. Her husband & children were still living in their house in Sacramento, pressing on with their daily lives as usual. To them, this was routine. 19 years is a long time to battle cancer, so the entire family had a lot of time to make peace with God, grieve and prepare for anything that could happen. Still, they cherish everyday with her, like it's her last. For 19 years, every day could have been her last.
I didn't have 19 years.
I couldn't see her. The drive to Berkeley is only about three hours, but I couldn't bear enough strength to see her. In pain, weak, facing death. She had adopted me as her own, becoming my "Surrogate Sacramento mom" & I wasn't ready to have her leave us. I was afraid that if I attached myself any more, I'd die from pain if she were to unexpectedly take a turn for the worse. So, I stayed in town. I didn't e-mail. I didn't write letters or call. I was distant.
God has worked miracles & the treatment was extremely successful. She's been back for about a month now, but I haven't had the gut to call her & go out for one of our regular coffee dates where I update her on life & she gives me advice, tells me that she can see God working in me, and that she loves me. I sat by her at church last week & I was afraid to even look at her, worried that the slightest touch would erase the past four months & she would be contaminated again, only worse.
Cancer is a bitch.
Grief is sometimes worse. Starting that grieving process was difficult, but sometimes gaining a life that should have been lost is even harder to deal with. Where do I go from here? I feel guilty when I see her because I failed to make contact when she probably needed it the most. Along in a strange city in a strange apartment with strange drugs pulsating through her veins. I feel like a terrible adopted-daughter.
Miller's book invokes passion & emotion, unbeknownst to my already overly emotional heart. Reading about conversations with God under over-sized trees outside the city walls of Heaven causes on to take a hard look at their life and the story they're living. What will God say when I sit down with Him to tell about my story? Will He be proud of me? Will he pat me on the back and say, "Well done, my good & faithful servant!"? Will I tell Him about my cancer ridden friend or the youth I've been working with? What will He want to hear?
I hope with all my heart that I'll be able to have one-on-one time with God, to be able to hash out the good ole' days when I loved to write & He loved to hear me sing. I hope He's not too busy in Heaven.
Conversations with God under vibrant trees, outside the gates of Heaven. Just the two of us.
My heart breaks & tears come in floods.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Life Update!
Wow, it's been a while since I've been able to post anything! Life has been going full-speed the last few weeks & I've been swamped at work! Nothing real earth-shattering has happened, but for your reading pleasure, here's a list. . .
Top-5 List of Blog-Worthy Happenings
5. My Little Sister's Bridal Shower in AZ
For being my first Bridal Shower, this went really well! We played some games, ate Vita's amazing Italian food & had a great time!
4. Became a California Residence (finally!)
After living in CA illegally for the past few months, I figured it was time for me to hunker down & get my CA driver's license & register my car. My commitment issues with California are over. I am officially a tied-down girl!
3. Trip to Santa Cruz
I love Santa Cruz. I love the beach. It's such an amazing place to unwind & relax, focus on God. Unfortunately, I was only there for a few hours after my meeting at Mt. Cross last week, but I had a chance to walk around a bit. I forgot how much I miss living 10 minutes from the ocean! I guess So-Cal will always have a little place in my heart.
2. Upcoming Weddings!
Little Sister Alyssa is getting married 2 weeks from this Saturday (yikes!) & College Roommate Kelly is getting married 3 weeks after that on Nov. 14th! It's going to be so great to see family members I haven't seen since Grandpa died in 1994 & catch up on life. Kelly's wedding will be a grand reunion with college friends & fellow CUI-ers! I'm so psyched for both weddings & the joyness of new marriages!
1. Kelseypalooza~!!
Tomorrow's my birthday! Of course, this would be #1 on my "Top-5 List"! Kelseypalooza's in full swing this year, especially since it didn't happen last year. The night is filled with some festivities at Chicago Fire in Downtown Sac, followed by (but not limited to) a stop at the Back Door Lounge & Fanny Ann's in Oldtown. Yay!! I'm totally psyched to spend the day with great friends, food & fun, especially since last year was such a bust! So, Happy Birthday to me! :)
Top-5 List of Blog-Worthy Happenings
5. My Little Sister's Bridal Shower in AZ
For being my first Bridal Shower, this went really well! We played some games, ate Vita's amazing Italian food & had a great time!
4. Became a California Residence (finally!)
After living in CA illegally for the past few months, I figured it was time for me to hunker down & get my CA driver's license & register my car. My commitment issues with California are over. I am officially a tied-down girl!
3. Trip to Santa Cruz
I love Santa Cruz. I love the beach. It's such an amazing place to unwind & relax, focus on God. Unfortunately, I was only there for a few hours after my meeting at Mt. Cross last week, but I had a chance to walk around a bit. I forgot how much I miss living 10 minutes from the ocean! I guess So-Cal will always have a little place in my heart.
2. Upcoming Weddings!
Little Sister Alyssa is getting married 2 weeks from this Saturday (yikes!) & College Roommate Kelly is getting married 3 weeks after that on Nov. 14th! It's going to be so great to see family members I haven't seen since Grandpa died in 1994 & catch up on life. Kelly's wedding will be a grand reunion with college friends & fellow CUI-ers! I'm so psyched for both weddings & the joyness of new marriages!
1. Kelseypalooza~!!
Tomorrow's my birthday! Of course, this would be #1 on my "Top-5 List"! Kelseypalooza's in full swing this year, especially since it didn't happen last year. The night is filled with some festivities at Chicago Fire in Downtown Sac, followed by (but not limited to) a stop at the Back Door Lounge & Fanny Ann's in Oldtown. Yay!! I'm totally psyched to spend the day with great friends, food & fun, especially since last year was such a bust! So, Happy Birthday to me! :)
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