ellie, ken & the last chilli's night

tonight, some friends and i gave ellie and ken (friends of mine from CUI) a surprise wedding shower at chilli's. we had a great time sitting around drinking beer and margaritas and talking. it's so nice to be able to hang out with friends and just relax before finals start. i really love ellie and ken and i'm excited for them leaving us for new zealand so ken can be an amazing DCE intern there, but i'm a little selfish. i want to be able to spend more time with everyone before we part ways.

it's not just ken and ellie leaving, it's everyone who's leaving after graduation. in a year, we're all going to be graduating and i probably won't see a lot of people as much as i do now, which is going to be extremely difficult. freshman year seems so distant and remote compared to the position i'm in now: facing my last year of college dead-on. i never thought it would happen so quickly and i'm blessed that i decided to take an extra year to still be a kid. once graduation comes along, adulthood smacks you in the face with a 2x4. i'm not ready for responsibility. i'm not ready to "settle down". i'm not ready to be a grownup. i'm glad i still have 369 days to relish in my childhood!!

santa ana winds


santa ana winds, i loathe you.
you make me feel melancholy and torn.
distraught.
what shall i do when your breeze comes
sweeping across my life?
you make the trees whisper my not-so-distant future of
loneliness
and
regret.

santa ana winds, i turn my back on you.
i cast you out
and
deny the way you make me scrutinize my life.
you are not my fate.
you do not truly know my past failures or future successes.
instead, i will add extra hairspray into my routine and
face you in full force.

santa ana winds, you can still talk of distant dreams past lived
and
i will only listen to the sweet lullaby you sing when i lay my head down.
the trees do not tell this sad story,
but remind me of the new-found motivation
i have to tell a new tale of my future.
without sadness,
grief,
or regret,
i will pridefully challenge the reality of my days
with
confidence and
the Truth.

only He knows.

santa ana winds, you are defeated.