i keep asking myself this question: God, what are you trying to do in my life?!
seriously!!! my type-A, control freak personality is clashing with God's desire to work His plans out in my life. what if i don't want His plans? what if i'm completely content with my own (thank you very much!)? i don't necessarily ask for much, just that God takes my advice for a change and does things my way for a while...
okay, okay, then He wouldn't be God. gee, i can't wait to be a parent so i can truly know what it means to desire what's best for my children and deny myself.
humility sure does suck!!
what if God's plans dissapoint me? how do i know He's trustworthy? holy spirit, give me FAITH! God, be with me and clear this up! turn my sorrows into joy!
on another note (completely random!), i'm doing quite well! classes are wonderful and i'm learning a lot. okay, i'm trying to stay positive, thus the side note.
blessings!
<><
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
being honest with myself
after further discussion with a valuable friend, God has showed me some insights as to what it means to be blessed with the burden of singleness. here goes...
even though my heart aches as i think about my calling to be single for the time being, i attempt to look at my cup of life as half full: optimistically. being "single" has such a negative stigma, but to God it's a joy and opportunity to show His children much-needed life lessons and to use them for amazing things! ministry can be done with no strings attached, no decisions need to be looked over by someone else since it doesn't affect anyone else other than your ultimate life outcome.
ironically, i'm writing on the verge of tears. why hasn't God put someone in my life to share these experiences with? why does it seem like most of my friends are either in serious relationships, engaged, or married? what the hell does God have to do with me now in my singleness? why doesn't He take away these feelings: lonliness, longing for a relationship, wanting to be cherished and loved.
being honest with myself, these feelings will be blessings in the future, even though now they tear apart my heart. God has provided me with some incredible opportunities to serve this semester in so many different ways. if He was to bring someone into my life now, i wouldn't have time for them. i'd be too busy with everything that's going on in my life! if i don't even have enough time to eat lunch, how can i have time for a relationship? i kid myself when i declare my frustrations in being single, but the truth is, i truly enjoy it!
epiphany!
i get to go to europe with my roomie next summer! i get to go on a mission trip to hungary in june! i get to do whatever i want for christmas break because i don't have to worry about spending the holidays with my significant other's family! i get to do so many things!
i still have this longing to be married someday and have a family. i want to do ministry side-by-side with my husband. i still yearn for companionship. but, until then, i truly pray that God fills my heart of sadness and replaces it with peace.
blessings
<><
even though my heart aches as i think about my calling to be single for the time being, i attempt to look at my cup of life as half full: optimistically. being "single" has such a negative stigma, but to God it's a joy and opportunity to show His children much-needed life lessons and to use them for amazing things! ministry can be done with no strings attached, no decisions need to be looked over by someone else since it doesn't affect anyone else other than your ultimate life outcome.
ironically, i'm writing on the verge of tears. why hasn't God put someone in my life to share these experiences with? why does it seem like most of my friends are either in serious relationships, engaged, or married? what the hell does God have to do with me now in my singleness? why doesn't He take away these feelings: lonliness, longing for a relationship, wanting to be cherished and loved.
being honest with myself, these feelings will be blessings in the future, even though now they tear apart my heart. God has provided me with some incredible opportunities to serve this semester in so many different ways. if He was to bring someone into my life now, i wouldn't have time for them. i'd be too busy with everything that's going on in my life! if i don't even have enough time to eat lunch, how can i have time for a relationship? i kid myself when i declare my frustrations in being single, but the truth is, i truly enjoy it!
epiphany!
i get to go to europe with my roomie next summer! i get to go on a mission trip to hungary in june! i get to do whatever i want for christmas break because i don't have to worry about spending the holidays with my significant other's family! i get to do so many things!
i still have this longing to be married someday and have a family. i want to do ministry side-by-side with my husband. i still yearn for companionship. but, until then, i truly pray that God fills my heart of sadness and replaces it with peace.
blessings
<><
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
in class
so, i'm sitting in my personality theory class and this is a serious waste of my time. my professor not only has been late to class since the semester has started, but he cannot for the life of him understand how to use the powerpoint and projection system. ack! why am i spending so much money when i'm not learning?!
okay, venting over. looking at the positive side, i have a designated "study hour" where i can write on my blog and update my addicting facebook profile. ;)
lately, i haven't been feeling so well. not so much fun. we had choir retreat last weekend and it went farely well. no sleep, a lot of singing, and fun games. my week is passing with a vengence and i feel like it should be friday already.
i'm on an intramural volleyball team with all my neighbors and friends in Zeta! go team australia! (i didn't pick the name). so far we won 1 and lost 1, so tonight will make or break my career in IM volleyball! haha...it's really fun to be able to play with all my friends. i'm having such a great time!
biological perspective....genetically determined...blah, blah, blah! i should start paying attention. this stuff sounds important.
blessings! <><
okay, venting over. looking at the positive side, i have a designated "study hour" where i can write on my blog and update my addicting facebook profile. ;)
lately, i haven't been feeling so well. not so much fun. we had choir retreat last weekend and it went farely well. no sleep, a lot of singing, and fun games. my week is passing with a vengence and i feel like it should be friday already.
i'm on an intramural volleyball team with all my neighbors and friends in Zeta! go team australia! (i didn't pick the name). so far we won 1 and lost 1, so tonight will make or break my career in IM volleyball! haha...it's really fun to be able to play with all my friends. i'm having such a great time!
biological perspective....genetically determined...blah, blah, blah! i should start paying attention. this stuff sounds important.
blessings! <><
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