being honest with myself

after further discussion with a valuable friend, God has showed me some insights as to what it means to be blessed with the burden of singleness. here goes...


even though my heart aches as i think about my calling to be single for the time being, i attempt to look at my cup of life as half full: optimistically. being "single" has such a negative stigma, but to God it's a joy and opportunity to show His children much-needed life lessons and to use them for amazing things! ministry can be done with no strings attached, no decisions need to be looked over by someone else since it doesn't affect anyone else other than your ultimate life outcome.

ironically, i'm writing on the verge of tears. why hasn't God put someone in my life to share these experiences with? why does it seem like most of my friends are either in serious relationships, engaged, or married? what the hell does God have to do with me now in my singleness? why doesn't He take away these feelings: lonliness, longing for a relationship, wanting to be cherished and loved.

being honest with myself, these feelings will be blessings in the future, even though now they tear apart my heart. God has provided me with some incredible opportunities to serve this semester in so many different ways. if He was to bring someone into my life now, i wouldn't have time for them. i'd be too busy with everything that's going on in my life! if i don't even have enough time to eat lunch, how can i have time for a relationship? i kid myself when i declare my frustrations in being single, but the truth is, i truly enjoy it!

epiphany!

i get to go to europe with my roomie next summer! i get to go on a mission trip to hungary in june! i get to do whatever i want for christmas break because i don't have to worry about spending the holidays with my significant other's family! i get to do so many things!

i still have this longing to be married someday and have a family. i want to do ministry side-by-side with my husband. i still yearn for companionship. but, until then, i truly pray that God fills my heart of sadness and replaces it with peace.

blessings
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