lately, i've been feeling like i have no friends. now, i know i have friends, but not very close ones. ya' know?
i used to have two or three friends who i was really close with. now that i'm almost done with college, i feel like my only close friends are kelly (my roommate) and my mom. but, i can't decide if this is good or bad.
good: i'll be leaving & having less close friends means the less heartache & goodbye-grief i have to deal with.
bad: i need to talk to someone & there are only a limited number of people i trust.
i've also been feeling like the odd duck out. for example:
you know when you accidentally walk in on a group talking & obviously having a great conversation or people hanging out & having a good time & you weren't invited? they're reaction is "oh, well of course you can join in" while thinking in their minds "why is she here? we were having such a good time without her". this is EXACTLY how i've been feeling lately. maybe it's my own twisted sinful thinking, but it still feels like i'm unwelcome a lot of the time.
i always thought that being in college would mean ridding myself of high school drama-ness.
i'm wrong. i still feel left out (most of the time). i still have bad self esteem sometimes. i still worry about how i look & dumb things that come out of my mouth. now, the only difference is that i'm older & i know how to react when i say or do something embarrassing.
interesting, huh?
well, that's what it's like to be me.
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2 comments:
Hello. I know you don't know me, but I was just wasting time by searching for interesting blogs to read. I enjoyed reading your blog, and I wanted you to know that I feel the same way you do right now just about all the time. I've learned to laugh it off; not let it bother me; and just enjoy life, but it's still difficult feeling like you're the odd man out. Just be encouraged and know that God created you for a purpose, insecurities and all!!
Beth Ehlert
I feel the same way a lot of times, too, Kels. It's no fun, I know. I just try to invest myself in the few close friends I have and be happy with that. Of course, it still hurts when you feel excluded. But sadly, there are just some people who feel good about themselves by leaving someone out. I don't get it either, but that's kinda how it is. :(
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