Facing the Hard, Cold Facts of Life!

Graduation is three weeks from yesterday.

In 20 days, I will be a college graduate. In 20 days, I will begin my journey of the unknown & uncomfortable. In 20 days, all my friends from CUI will forget about me & move on with their lives. In 20 days, I will be alone.

Obviously, I'm not taking graduating so well. I should be rejoicing over my upcoming departure from school ( & I am praising God for my new life sans tests, projects & papers). But, the thought of leaving my friends & living in Nor-Cal all by myself is going to be a difficult process.

I know this is a time of growth. I know this is good for me & will strengthen my faith. I don't want people to tell me these things. I want to know that people will miss me because I'm going to miss them. I want to be affirmed in my feelings, instead of feeling embarrassed about them.

Why do I feel like I'm the only one who's having a hard time with my departure? I'm so selfish & weak. Why am I having such a difficult time? Why do I feel like I'm about to enter a life of loneliness & depression? I know God is building me in this, but I don't want my friendships with people to go unattended & left-behind.

AH! I hate this! I hate feeling sad, hopeless, helpless, weak, depressed, fearful, nervous when I should be feeling excited, content, peaceful, adventurous. I'm scared to death of my internship, but I know it'll be a great year. My church is amazing, the people are incredible & there's so much ministry to do. Why do I feel so hopeless?

God has to have something great for my life for me to go through all of this.