I think everyone feels self conscience during some time in their life. For all of you super self confident people who have never felt inadequate, you suck & this doesn't apply to you. For the rest of humanity, I would like to address this issue. Most of my inadequacies are my inability to think before I speak. Some of the time I can can open my mouth & lovely comments full of wisdom & purpose proceed. However, the majority of the time, I'm stuck with Word Vomit that spews everywhere! I hurt people's feelings, I seem like an uneducated retard, or I'll say something weird (Creepy weird, not the fun weird or spunky weird. The creepy weird.) I really don't intend to seem this way. In fact, this is the person I wish I could be instead of who I actually am. . .
Quiet
Wise
Shy
Conservative
Intelligent / Bright (Dean's list, ODK, etc.)
Thin
Delicate
Thinks before she speaks
Good at sports
Submissive
Strong
Graceful
Elegant
Classy
Basically, I want to be Cinderella, NOT Roseanne or Rosie O'Donnell.
I realize that God created me to be the way I am, but I'm very frustrated with my characteristics / personality flaws. It's difficult to change from a loud & energetic "Mouth" to a delicate flower who amplifies grace and passion for Christ. I want to be a graceful flower, dang it!!
Many of the girls I go to school with possess the qualities that I wish I had. I see them gracefully flirting with boys, eating like birds, & getting compliments about their character & charm. I, on the other hand, get punched in the arm by the boys, eat like a pig, & haven't received a compliment about my charm for years.
I'm sad and frustrated with all of the above. I have a true desire to be someone different than who I am, but no matter how much effort I place into my personality, I am never able to get the results I want.
I never say the right thing, do the right thing, or act the right way & it's frustrating to know that boys like girls who are like Cinderella. Boys like girls who are petite, winsome, & delicate. Boys don't want to date someone who's loud, annoying, obnoxious, & foot-in-mouth all the time. I'm sad because boys just don't like me. . .
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1 comment:
You know... I went through this EXACT same thing right after I graduated from college (I guess you're a little ahead of the game). Please note the following:
1- You are Fabulous, darling.
2- You don't want to be with a boy who doesn't appreciate who YOU are.
3- Foot in mouth disease is curable. It is a painful process, though. As one who has overcome this disorder (though I do relapse from time to time), I can offer hope. :)
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