it's been a while, my friends

wow, to my surprise, i realized that it's been over a week since i last blogged. i guess in my busyness, i just haven't had a time to sit down & share my life. well, things have been quite busy. i just got back from choir tour to AZ last night & flew back home to phoenix this morning. i'll be home until monday morning, which will be an amazing holiday from school drama, but i still have a heavy laundry list of things to get done before break is over.

choir tour was great except that i had a blast-from-the-past / slash / high school experience on the end tail coming home. jr. high drama was not fun in jr. high & it's still not fun. it's funny how it's so easy to hide our sin & faults from people when you only see them once a day, but when you spend 5 days together, you can't really hide anything & you can pick out everything in other people. needless to say, we all got on one another's nerves. other than that, it was great. it was my last tour as a senior (sniff, sniff) & i cried a little at our last concert last night, but all-in-all, i had a wonderful time getting to know some people i never really talked to & spending quality time w/ those friends i've grown to love. i will truly miss choir. oh, i'm going to start crying again! ;)

i'm still trying to change myself. i've always wanted to be that person, but i've been stuck being this person all along. so, i made a decision to change & it went well for a while, but being put into situations where people aren't really accepting or aware of the change is difficult. i was reminded by one of my loving roommates that God created me special & for purpose, just the way i am. this is a nice cupcake of truth, but with a salty core. i really needed to hear her wise words of wisdom, but it was difficult to accept it. i still have a desire to change, but not necessarily the essence of who i truly am, the kelsey that God handcrafted.

sometimes it's easier to put up walls than endure pain from being unshielded.

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pilates sucked. . . i'm still sore


i'm going again this week

all nighter!

i made it! well, almost.

i'm a SR in college & i've never in my entire life had an all nighter (for studying purposes. i'm not including the occasional youth ministry team lock-in). everyone said i wouldn't be able to do it, but i decided that tonight was the perfect night to deprive myself from the sweetness of sleep.

here's how it started. . .

i got my schedule for work last friday & found out i had to work at my old store monday morning at 4:30am. sad news, especially since i thought i wouldn't have to work this early ever again. this would've been fine, but we decided to throw a "surprise thing" for colter's 23rd birthday at midnight. so, my plan was to go to bed early, wake up for colter's thing for 10 minutes, & then go back to bed. well, i also looked at my schedule & discovered that i have two tests this week that came out of nowhere! after some discussion w/ kelly & some other friends, they decided "it's about time kelsey did an all nighter!"

so, here i am. proving that i actually stayed up this late to work on homework, write a letter to my grandma, post a blog & go to work (in approximately 1 hour and 18 minutes. . .17 minutes).

i hate this & i will NEVER do this again!!! (unless it's for a lock-in, then i'll reconsider. . . maybe)


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happy valentine's day!

i have to say that i really like valentine's day. i like being able to wear pink & eat candy for absolutely no reason except in knowing that someone loves me.

and Somebody does love me! (and you, by the way)

i realized tonight at Shout (on-campus worship) that i only have, like 2 half months until graduation (yes, i cried about it). but, holy cow, that scares me a lot! i don't even know where i'm going after graduation. in six months, i could be in north dakota for all i know!

it sucks that i have to give up my will to work for God. you might think that it's less stressful to "let go & let God" but on the contrary, it's an insane amount of stress that some can't even dream of!

when i'm stressed, i cry. when i'm upset, i cry. when i'm happy & i laugh too hard, i cry. i cry for my roommate & i cry for myself. i like to cry. it relieves my stress & inhibitions.

crying is good for the soul.

i have come to terms with the fact that i'm messy. i just am. i come home & i leave my things everywhere. in the living room. the bathroom. my bed and/or bedroom. i'm just messy, but i know where everything is & i have no worries. i just feel bad for the three other ladies that live with me. acknowledging my messiness isn't an excuse, it's accepting the hard facts of life as a college student. honestly, though, when i live by myself, i have a strange feeling that i'll suddenly want everything clean & in order. ironic, isn't it? maybe subconsciously, i want to annoy my roommate with the "clutter of kelsey". hmmmm, interesting thought. . .

people annoy me when they correct my e-mail grammar &/or spelling.

pray for: proloy & his family, my graduating sadness, people who annoy me, my unknown future career, & motivation to clean up my clutter.

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p.s. i'm taking a pilates class tomorrow morning at 8:30am. . . ha, i'll let you know how this brilliant idea goes down!

let's sit & talk

i miss being able to just sit & talk w/ someone. no pressure to talk about anything in particular or get work done. i just want to talk about something or nothing at all.

it's funny how relationships change over time. not necessarily for the worse or the better, but they change the same. but, when a relationship goes awry, it's really difficult to mend it back to the way things were. i think i'm almost there, but by the time it's back to "normal", i'll be graduating.

God works in such mysterious & frustrating ways.

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work much?

actually, No!

i thought that by signing on to this whole "new starbucks store" thing would be great, but it's kind of turning out to be a major disappointment. here's a list:

1. some of the people i work with are either mean, rude, or just plain slow! argh!

2. i'm only working, like 15 hours next week. now, i know this is probably a blessing in disguise, but it kind of stinks when i'm trying to make some money for europe.

3. our new store is so SLOW all of the time. we get some rushes here & there on the weekends, but the rest of the week day & night is entirely way too slow!

i know i totally sound like my soap box is getting too naggy & mean, but this post is solely for the benefit of "the vent". actually, it worked. . . yay!

now, on to more important things. . . like, the 24 hour fitness at the spectrum!! oh-em-gee, this gym is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! i went there today before work & they have a giant fountain (like in rome) in the middle of the gym. the lockers in the locker room have key-less entry & they're free. there is a women's only jacuzzi, sauna, & steam room (yay, no more creapy men!) & the showers are incredible.

all in all, i heart my new gym. i only wish it wasn't so far away.

prayer requests: proloy & his family, homework & motivation, & energy when i have to wake up at 5:45am this week for work!

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"les mis"

instead of studying for my rather large honors old testament test (on friday), i watched the movie "les mis" tonight.

now, i am a huge fan of musical theater, so i thought that netflix sent me a musical in the mail. (yay!) well. . . let me tell you, my friends, i waited for about an hour to hear the characters break out into song & dance & it did not happen! there was no singing! i was too lazy to look at the little envelope the movie came in, but it turns out that the version i received was NOT the singing version. . . . sad day :(

i can't wait until the day when "wicked" is on the big screen. i'm sure i'm not the only one who's imagined a giant green alphaba on the big screen singing "defy gravity". oh yes, there will come a day when my fantasy can become a reality. at least, i hope.

sometimes i wish my life could be a giant musical. imagine. . . walking to class & suddenly peppy, upbeat music blares & everyone around you breaks out into a perfectly choreographed dance routine! witty lyrics & beautiful harmonies surround you & you're lifted into the air. your life seems so romantic now. all because you live in a musical. . . .

okay, stop me now! i need someone to slap me in the face w/ a leather glove like in "the princess bride". if i go on any longer, i'll have lyrics written & choreography for a friday morning's "opening number".

blessings!
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the heart of a missionary???

lately, i've really been feeling like God is calling me to just go! go somewhere, do something, help in any way. i want to travel the world & see God's creation from every perspective. i'm ready to go to hungary & do mission work there. i feel a need to serve God's people in any way possible.

i guess i truly have a heart of a servant? maybe? i do know, however, that i want to see the world!

we'll see how all this goes. . . maybe God will place some amazing world traveling man into my life to pull me to the corners of the world. ;)

in other news. . .

i babysat today & i smell like baby spit-up. yuck! i know that other people can't smell me, but i sure can smell myself. i need a shower.

i need to find some balance between fun time & school time & work time. i'll let you know how all that goes down.

pray for: proloy in bangladesh & his family, my aunt cynthie & her cancer, uncle ryland has luchemia (treatable, though), & the rest of my week.

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i want to be alone, but i don't

i want to be alone. . . i want to work out my problems BY MYSELF! just because you see me sitting by myself at worship or chapel doesn't give you the right to come & talk to me & try to solve all of my problems. i just want to be ALONE!


then again, i don't.


even though i look intensely focused on praying by myself, i'm crying out for someone to sit with me. don't talk. don't touch me. just. . . sit. i don't want you to try to fix anything. i might not even talk to you. but the mere action of you sitting next to me gives me comfort in knowing that i'm not alone in this world trying to mend the brokenness, even though i so desperately wish i could do it on my own. i don't want to bring it up at dinner in the caf. don't try to talk to me about "what's going on" a few days later. if i want to talk about it, i will. chances are, though. . . i won't.


right now, though. . . i just want to be alone.

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compassion!

lately, i've been really praying about tithing & how i am persistently NOT doing it. this really bothers me & i've been looking for some ways i can tithe without feeling weird putting money in the collection plate at church w/ everyone watching, ya' know?

well, God answers prayers!

today in chapel, bob lenz spoke & was representing compassion international. he was awesome & very encouraging about supporting a child in africa or asia who has nothing! i looked at the table & picked up a card w/ the cutest little boy ever! his name is proloy & he's from bangladesh. he's 5 years old & seriously the cutest ever! i've never sponsored a child before & i'm (obviously) really excited about this! i'll keep ya'll posted to let you know how he's doing.

please pray for proloy & his family.

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